Dear Abby: My husband’s family keeps calling him fat

Dear ABBY: I am a gay man who is close friends with “Carl”, a man who is straight. We are everything you expect from a normal friendship. On the surface, there is no difference. He goes out of his way to make me feel welcome and accepted, and I appreciate that.

Recently, Carl found a significant other. I’m happy for him because he really deserves it. The problem is that I’m jealous. I know without a doubt that my relationship with Carl will never be anything more than platonic. I think I know why this bothers me so much – Carl is nice and smart and attractive and we go out of our way – yet someone other than me is with him.

Abby, the thing is, I’ve never wanted to be with him before. (My darkest secret: I recently stole a shirt from him because I wanted a piece of him with me.) Now I feel like I betrayed our friendship and am a thief. I have so many mixed emotions. How should I handle our friendship going forward? – LOST IN ARKANSAS

LOST DEAR: Your feelings in these circumstances are not unusual. You fear that because a third person has been brought into the mix, your special relationship with Carl will be lost or diminished. It shouldn’t be like this. You have always been friends and may continue to be.

However, you may need to branch out and build new relationships, which will not only fill any free time, but may also lead you to find your special someone. If you don’t feel better after branching out, and there is an LGBTQ center near you, please consider talking to a counselor there to help you through this. If there isn’t one, look online for emotional support.

Dear ABBY: My husband has recently lost a significant amount of weight. He is 30 pounds lighter and has carried it with a swing of up to 10 pounds. Before he lost weight, his family constantly commented on his weight and made fun of him. They would cut his belly and say, “What is this?” in a not nice way. After she lost weight, they continued with comments like “Where did your belly go?” They never seem to stop. If he is on the heavier side, they comment that he gains the weight back (not true; the scale doesn’t lie).

My husband is tired of being caught and beaten. He is at a healthy weight and happy with his body when it is not degrading. How should we let his family know that we don’t appreciate these comments? To clarify, this includes not only his immediate family, but also his extended relatives. What would be a good way to tactfully say — for now — that we don’t appreciate their comment? – ELECTED IN OREGON

DEAR ELECT: I’m not sure you should handle these relatives with kid gloves. It may have more impact if your husband tells them, calmlythat he has tolerated their comments about his weight, but finally has a handle and does not need their constant “weighings”. They are neither helpful nor funny and need to stop. If not, they will see less of the two of you.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.